Everything Is Happening In Perfect Time
Why some diversions feel wholly necessary.
Many years ago, I can’t remember precisely when but I think I may have still been at school, I was rudely awoken by my alarm. I glanced at the display—red digital lines forming the numbers 07:50 A.M (that actually dates it a little, early 2000s, say.) I tossed it a dismissive, dirty look and violently flung an arm out to hit the giant snooze button on top—as a child who absolutely adored tactile, interactive objects, this particular alarm was joyfully much more button than clock. I fell immediately back to sleep.
What happened next was one of a number of experiences that occurred during my youth that I pushed to the very back of my mind and kept buried for many years, some until incredibly recently, discovering that to share them with my peers or family members at the time was to overshare, because it seems they were not experiences that were perceived as ‘normal’. I can still see some of their screwed up faces displaying an array of confusion, bewilderment, eyes wide, smiles strained, conflicted as to whether they should humour this strange child that spoke of dreams and much more besides. The shame that I felt then is also something I have been slowly unearthing and having to process, and I am beginning to recognise that though they may have been unusual experiences to other people, they were perfectly normal for me. It was other people’s perception of what I’d shared with them that made me feel ‘weird’ not the experiences themselves which to me were miraculous, extraordinary, life-changing, time-bending marvels. A total gift. And a part of me that I shouldn’t have had to silence.